alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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