I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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