How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
