i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
