Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
