I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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