The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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