Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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