The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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