Having a random hookup so left but love u
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
