I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
