now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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