meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize