so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad