Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.