she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys