Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.