i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Two words: blizzard sex
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
