I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
