forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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