I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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