My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
