I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
