Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
