There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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