If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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