I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
