just tell him i said nine months
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
