Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
