ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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