there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
