planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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