"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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