Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
