Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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