i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The air was thick with penises
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
