All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
no you cant smoke seaweed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Drunk is not a location!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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