I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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