She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
this is an emotional support booty call
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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