Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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