no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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