I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
