clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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