dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
