Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
