True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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