So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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