I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
