dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
