Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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