you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize