If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
