What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
