1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
