I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
