Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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