Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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