I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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