He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
