I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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