If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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