It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
